Greetings

Hello to anyone who happens upon this new blog. I am 24 years old, though I often feel more like 42. I am a stay at home mom to 2 beautiful daughters, one ornery son, and a very challenging step-daughter who has been my girl since she was three (and I was 18). Though I am young I have faced a great many challenges in my time and I am always learning and growing. The good Lord has been there for me always, even in the midst of my stupidest choices I can see how He always was demonstrating His love for me. One thing God has been revealing to me lately is my own value in Him. I have come to realize that I am entirely too co-dependent. I allow my happiness to be based on what I think other people think or feel about me. Especially people whom I love. If my husband did not seem particularly happy one day or made a silly choice I immediately thought it must be because I was not good enough. Perhaps you can relate, or maybe not. Either way that was how I felt, and not just with my husband. I felt I must always meet the demands of my friends and the rest of my family as well, even when these things conflicted or really weren't their business. I truely believed that in order to avoid being selfish I must completely disregard myself and my own emotions and needs. This was foolishness and I now see that as I continued to devalue myself in my own eyes I did so in everyone elses as well. As I think of my daughters growing up there are many traits I want them to have. I want them to be kind, respectful, women who always think of others while taking care of themselves so they have the ability to help those around them. I want them to be good wives who know how, when and why to submit, without being doormats. I want them to know that they are dearly loved children of the King, and to live accordingly. If this is my desire for them, then surely it must be what I model for them. It has not been but to the best of my ability it will be.
As I come to realize all this I have started to change my behaviors to be those of a woman who knows her own worth. Sometimes I still don't feel it, but I know that frequently our emotions follow our behaviors. I have taken the time to begin buiding some new friendships. I have been working through the steps of Celebrate Recovery to deal with my hurts, habits, and hang-ups that lead me to feel so unimportant. I have taken more time for things I enjoy, starting a garden, going for walks, getting my eyebrows waxed and with any luck I'll be getting my nails done soon. In addition to that I intend to start school this fall. That is what I hope this blog will be about. I hope for it to be a way for me to think through how to balance taking care of myself, my family, my friends, and my school work. I anticipate it will be quite a journey, but it is one I am anxious to take. There are sure to be many challenges, but I expect there will be many rewards as well. Won't you join me as I seek to discover methods by which I can appropriately value everyone in my life, including me? Maybe you can begin to value you as well. You are all welcome to comment, just please know that I will not make my choices based on what I think other people want, even you. I would love to hear from you none the less.